I Am Not My Mom

July 25, 2018Autumn

The goal of the Mental Health Mom Series is for Moms and Moms-to-be to share their stories to be used to help inspire, uplift and spread awareness about mental health and motherhood. Whether you suffer from depression, PPD, anxiety, ADHD, bipolar disorder or something else your story may help change the life of another mom reader and that’s important to me!

As women, we compare ourselves far too often to our parents and other moms within our community as a whole. We wonder if we are doing enough if we could be better than we are and the comparison game never ends. In this anonymous submission, a new mom speaks about her experience with needing a c section and dealing with her mother’s reaction.

“Emergency c-section,” my doctor told me. I went completely numb. I couldn’t hear anyone. I didn’t look at anyone. Tears were just coming down. As numerous doctors and nurses were coming in, they kept asking me questions, informing me what was going to happen. But if I am being completely honest; I really didn’t hear anything they said.

I barely remember what I responded. I just remember thinking, “I failed. I’m a failure. What did I do wrong? Should I have said no to the epidural? I am so sorry, nene. I am so sorry.” In the craziness of everyone preparing for my surgery, we called my mom and told her what was going to happen. She was very upset and tried to rush to the hospital to try to stop it, but it was too late.

Shortly after I woke up from surgery, she walks in a couple of minutes later and pretty much blamed me for needing a c-section. “Vieras caminado mas. Tomar chocolate caliente. Movido mas durante tu embarazo” which translates to “you should have walked more. Drank hot chocolate more. Moved more during your pregnancy.”

As I wrote this in my journal, I realized that I was so hard on myself because of my mom. Throughout my pregnancy, I compared it to my mom and kept saying, “ my mom didn’t do that. I have my mom’s genes.” I had to be as strong as my mom. But guess what?

I AM NOT MY MOM. I am me. It’s my own experience, my own body, my baby, my family, my life and I did my fucking best.

Are you looking for ways to manage after giving birth? Here are 5 tips for postpartum moms!

If you would like to submit your story please read this post or send me an email at autumn@shesawreck.com

Comments (5)

  • Sarah

    July 26, 2018 at 10:37 AM

    I never realized how having a C-Section would affect me emotionally, but now the scars are healing and I have my beautiful daughter. I felt the same way – my mom experienced everything I did during pregnancy, but she was able to deliver two daughters naturally. But we are different and our daughters are different.

  • Sarah

    July 26, 2018 at 5:23 PM

    I can’t relate to her mom coming down so hard on her because my own mom was my biggest cheerleader for my first c-section– and she’d given birth naturally for me and my brother. But!, I can totally relate to the scariness of an emergency section and feeling like less of a mother because of other moms who were able to have natural births.

    We are all our own person. What we do has to work for us and our little ones — and that absolutely includes safety in pregnancy and birth.

    People always have something to say, no matter the intention or circumstance.

  • Cindy

    July 26, 2018 at 7:14 PM

    I’m sorry you had a bad experience. I can only imagine how hard that would be.

  • Tiff|18thAvenueMom

    July 27, 2018 at 6:31 AM

    I’m sorry that happened to you, and that your mother was so unsupportive. We all have our own experiences, and we shouldn’t be shamed for some unexpected turn in our pregnancy or delivery.

  • sirena Alise

    July 27, 2018 at 10:18 AM

    This is a great series giving moms the ability to share their stories! I am happy that at the end she came to the conclusion that she did the best she could. That’s what I believe parenthood is. Do what we think best.

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