As much as I want to bask in the joy of traveling alone sans husband and kids a part of me is falling apart on the inside. Since having my babies I’ve never been on a plane without my husband and kids and the thought of going across the country is beginning to scare me. Mom Anxiety is in full effect!
Mom Anxiety When Traveling Alone
As the hours creep creepily close to the JFK take off my anxiety begins to rise. Like waves crashing on the rocks, my mind begins to do its own thing of wondering about the worries that probably make no sense. I can’t help myself but feel shaken at every inconceivable thought that happens upon my brain at this moment.
Only 4 days prior a plane crashed thousands of miles away, what if that happens to me? Or what about those scary stories where the parents go away on vacation and never make it back home, could this be the life my kids fall into? The what if’s and the scary thoughts can’t escape my mind no matter how much I try to block it out. This trip although necessary is silently beating me down inside.
Lying in bed 24 hours away from takeoff I say to my husband “I’m so excited” with all the joy and pure bliss of being alone. But my mind is telling me to hold back the tears that I really want to let off. Not because I don’t want to go, because mama needs it (trust me). It’s just in reality I know I’m going to miss the small daily things that I constantly complain about.
No one will give Brooke our special goodnight squishes and AJ my baby, what if he has a night terror? My hubby is great but it just won’t be the same for 3 nights without yelling for them to get back in bed for the 26th time. And don’t get me started on being able to fall asleep without my husband in the room, that’s just another worry on top of my worries.
Yet here I am, bags packed, ready to go and smiling from ear to ear. The world would never see the millions of thoughts running through my mind, my kids won’t know the sadness I’ll feel when I don’t get to yell at them to wake up for school in the morning.
What It Feels Like Living with Mom Anxiety at Times
Anxiety as a parent is hard, you’re constantly battling your mind and struggling for the simple ability to live a normal life without obnoxious fears. Outwardly you want to allow your children the same carefree lifestyle as other children, but subconsciously you’re scared as fuck. It’s about everything that could harm them in this cold-hearted world and even the irrational fears that you make up in your mind that couldn’t totally possibly never happen, you want protection for them as well.
So let’s be real mamas, the reality behind a momcation for me is yes, I’m ready to go but my mind can’t stop worrying about my family needing me and most of all me needing my family. Because while the time away is great, you really don’t know what your missing (snot noses included) until you’re not doing it. Even if it’s just 3 nights out of the year.
What I’m Doing to Work through the Mom Anxiety!
Regardless of my feelings, the day of travel will come and I’ll be on that plane (anxiety and melatonin on hand). The days will go by and I’ll FaceTime the family goodnight and all will be said and done. I’ll bask in the joy of being alone, reading and eating breakfast without tiny fingers on my pancakes.
But to combat my anxiety I’ll try my best to meditate through it and exercise at the hotel gym to clear my mind. Using those tools aren’t going to solve ALL my wandering thoughts, or cure my anxiety at all but just being able to redirect that anxious energy and try my best to be in the moment by myself will be worth it in the end.
My Two Tips to Myself & You if You Need It:
Acknowledge The Emotions and the Feelings
Dig in your Mental Health Tool Kit (for me meditation and exercise help me clear my mind)