PPD: My Journey Into and Out of The Nightmare

September 14, 2018RockyJayne

The goal of the Mental Health Mom Series is for Moms and Moms-to-be to share their stories to be used to help inspire, uplift and spread awareness about mental health and motherhood.

Whether you suffer from depression, PPD, PTSD, anxiety, ADHD, bipolar disorder or something else your story may help change the life of another mom reader and that’s important to me!

A submission by Rocky of Keep It Simple, Stupid


Giving birth is an extremely mentally and physically demanding experience. And the best part – you have zero time to recover afterward because now you are responsible for another little life. It’s the one period when you really need to rest, and you can’t.

My pregnancy was healthy, my labor was normal and my delivery was as good as can be. Nothing traumatic happened, which is why the postpartum depression hit me like a freight train. I was totally not expecting it.

The day after I came home from the hospital with our first, we invited my husband’s family over to meet the new baby. As I struggled to entertain, I began sweating profusely; then I felt an immediate rushing sensation in my head, and all of a sudden it felt like everything around me wasn’t real. I rushed outside to get fresh air – and for the next eight months, I lived life in a fog.

THIS IS NOT THE BABY BLUES. I’ve had the baby blues, trust me. This is way worse.

If you only watch the news you’ll think that postpartum depression equals wanting to kill yourself or harm your kids (in my case this was not accurate). But that does not cover the many, many alternative symptoms and feelings you may have, which are often dismissed by doctors and the media.

My worst symptoms were the following:

  • Feeling of going crazy / being out of it / things not being real
  • The engulfing sense of hopelessness that there was no end in sight and I would never be happy again
  • No desire to be around my new baby
  • No maternal feelings I thought I was supposed to have
  • A “cloud” around my head that I literally tried to shake but never could
  • Migraines with aura (30 minutes of blind spots in my eyes followed by a few days of “halo” effect – terrifying)
  • Constant, subtle nausea
  • Extreme guilt over everything (ex: my husband is disappointed with how I turned out, my baby hates me already, I’m ruining the baby)
  • Inability to make any sort of decision

In addition, this was taking a huge toll on my marriage. My husband was responsible for working, taking care of a new baby, and taking care of me.

Related: Coping with Anxiety, Medication & Motherhood

PPD: Nightmare into it

I did not want to live like this. I needed help. After months of struggling, I finally found a doctor to help me.

The first thing she said was “This is not your new normal.”

That was exactly what I needed to hear because I felt completely hopeless like this was going to be my life from now on, and I couldn’t bear it.

I began therapy and medication, and I finally started returning to myself. It took almost a year for me to feel ok, and even longer for me to enjoy being a mom, but it happened.

There is much more to the story that would take too long to write, but please know if you are suffering from any sort of mental illness, you are not alone and there is help. It may feel hopeless, but remember – this is not your new normal.

 


Author Bio: My name is Rocky Jayne and my blog, Keep It Simple, Stupid, is my take on motherhood, mental health and minimal(ish)-ism.

I am a mother of two (a five-year-old and a newborn) and I have experienced anxiety, depression, and postpartum depression. Currently, I am attempting a more minimalist lifestyle. My motto is this: life should not be harder than it has to be!

At KISS my goal is to find ways to stop working harder trying to make life easier. I believe you shouldn’t get more done; you should have less to do. Join me on my journey!

You can read more about me here or connect with me online on TwitterPinterest, and Facebook and, if you need help with postpartum please check out these resources.


Related: Post Natal Depression 
If you would like to submit your story please read this post or send me an email at autumn@shesawreck.com
All Mental Health Mom Stories can be found on this page.

 

Related: My Depression Isn’t Cookie Cutter 

If you would like to submit your story please read this post or send me an email at autumn@shesawreck.com

All Mental Health Mom Stories can be found on this page.

POST PARTUM DEPRESSION: A PERSONAL STORY AND 9 TELLING SIGNS #ppd #postpartumdepression

POST PARTUM DEPRESSION: A PERSONAL STORY AND 9 TELLING SIGNS #ppd #postpartumdepression

Comments (4)

  • Rachel

    September 15, 2018 at 12:00 PM

    I had post partum depression with my first. Some of the things were the same as you described. I cried all the time and couldn’t control it.

  • Rocky.

    September 18, 2018 at 2:36 PM

    Thanks Rachel for sharing. I hope my story can resonate with others. It was a very scary experience.

  • Ashley Dicarlo

    September 19, 2018 at 10:43 PM

    THIS! It needs to be said. So many people, and even under-informed professionals neglect postpartum depression symptoms if they aren’t the standard, typical, news worthy experiences. I can’t claim that I had PPD, but I definitely struggled with going back to work and eventually had a PsyD confirm that I was exhausted and burnt out from combining new motherhood with an insensitive job. There is no one-size-fits-all struggle. We KNOW when something’s not right.

    1. Rocky

      September 23, 2018 at 7:19 AM

      Thank you Ashley! Comments like this make it worth sharing the story.

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